The great state of Tex-afornia

Still Praying

I still have that tough decision to make so this morning I spent about 30 minutes in silence. I guess you could call it meditation. There was no incense or mantra's to speak of. I just opened my window blinds and listened to the wind and birds as I watched a tree. It was really peaceful. I realize that I need to spend more time like that...just me, God and my thoughts. Henri Nouwen says that in meditation we find out what is truly on our hearts and souls. I can see how that is true. Only when I stop to get silent before God do I become unsettlingly aware of the screams within my soul. Sometimes what is there is not pretty. Sometimes it is good. Today I realized that a situation I have been dealing with at the church (not the decision I mentioned earlier) was less about an issue of submission and more about me feeling valued. Basically, our church has let go of a few pastors recently. These were all men that I identified with most at the church. Now I feel alone and unvalued because the church has made it clear that it doesn't like to have people whom I love and respect (and see myself as very similar to) in leadership positions. I guess I fly under the radar because I am part time and supervised by someone who is "good enough". There is anger and hurt in my heart, but this morning God reminded me that about my value or worth does not come from coworkers, but from Him. As long as I am where God wants me to be, that is all that matters. I am ministering where He wants me. I am in His will and that's all that counts.

God quieted my soul this morning. Praise Him for the great things he has done!

posted by Kevin @ 9:32 AM