The great state of Tex-afornia

No Sleep

The funeral went really well. It was a catholic mass and it brought back a lot of memories from growing up in Catholic School. Amazingly I felt some comfort from the Catholic faith I once deemed as boring and ritualistically. I guess now that I am older and can understand the deep theological meaning behind the prayers I felt the comfort of God in that church.

This morning I had a test at 7:45, but I couldn't sleep. I kept having dreams where Trevor was there. I don't think I have even begun to mourn the loss of this friend. Hatred still burns inside of me because I know he could have called any number of people. I am still angry at myself for neglecting our friendship and making fun of Trevor's quirks. I still see him in my mind. New movie reels of T-Bone memories flood my brain at random times. This weekend I heard how Trevor's faith in Christ was instrumental in his father accepting Christ. I am extremely humbled because I wonder if my father gets inspired by my faith, most likely not. I see myself as a pretty together guy and I definitely saw Trevor as someone who needed help. I sometimes saw myself as doing a favor by loving him (how sinful I really am). All the while a broken, bi-polar, socially awkward person can have a lasting impact on his family where my impact on my family is less evident. I wish I could tell Trevor how proud I was of him.

posted by Kevin @ 9:01 AM