The great state of Tex-afornia

Happy memorial day!
Well, we sent my dad off to the airport with two young children on Saturday. I realize how much I love the wonder of kids. I spent half an hour roaming around a Cracker Barrel toy section just playing make believe with my nephew. It was great!

An interesting thing happened to me on Friday. I slipped into my office while my dad was taking a much needed nap. I have noticed how my dad now requires a lot more rest and walks much slower. Anyway, when I walked into my office I saw one of my former students (he's now a sophomore) having a deep conversation with the high school intern. It bothered me. To put it bluntly, I was jealous. I am the one who put in three years of love and energy. The student should want to open up to me. I guess I wasn't angry so much with my former student or by my office mate. I got upset because there aren't a whole lot of times where I get that interaction with my current students. It made me look deeply into my calling to middle schoolers. Doubting my calling is something that creeps up every once in a while. It is a constant struggle for all people who live in a world of intense comparison...yes even in the church.

While talking with my wife, she reminded me why I do middle school ministry. A few years ago when we were first dating I told her that middle school students are the most unlovable people in the world. They are extremely self focused. They can't express themselves well. They don't reciprocate love very wll. They stink and smell. They are unlovable. I told my wife I was called to love the unlovable. I thank my wife so much for that gentle reminder. I realized that my jelousy for a former students means that I have done my job. They are no longer dependent on me and they have developed the ability to trust other people. Taking a step back and understanding these things makes me realize how proud I am of my former students and how sinful I have been...making ministry about the strokes to my ego.

God, I am called to love the unlovable, because I am unlovable. The ministry is not mine. It's not to make me feel good about myself or to see my own accomplishments. It's about students meeting you and become like you. May my resolve for this purpose be passionate and steadfast. In Christ, Amen

PS. When I walked into my office on Sunday morning I found a note on my computer from that former student. It said, "Josh loves you." There are about thirty more just like it that I've collected since they went into high school. I treasure each one.

posted by Kevin @ 10:40 AM