Tuesday, October 12, 2004

The smallness you feel comes from inside you
I must say that this weekend was awesome. So many times I felt the presence of God ministering to me in mighty ways. The theme of the conference was "Wide Open". They were trying to get us see how the power of Christ in our lives is hindered by our own selves. In reality true life in Christ is life that is not fenced in by rules and regulations. It is a life of freedom. true freedom to ove God.

One of the highlights was the prayer chapel. In the mornings we did some contemplative prayer exercises that have been used by Christians for centuries. One of them is the Lectio Divina, where you read a passage openly asking God to speak to you. You read the passage once and meditate on the a word that impresses your heart. Then you read it again meditating on a phrase that impresses your heart. Finally you ask God to reveal what God would have you do in your life as a result of this passage. While engaged in this practice God impressed on me that I have a huge desire to feel like I belong in the church, not just that I people are ok with me being there, but that I am here at my church because I fit and are wanted. What God showed me is that this desire will never truly be satisfied here on earth, but only in the arms of my savior. My mission then is to help other people feel welcomed and needed.

I shed many tears this weekend as God ministered to by soul. For the first few days every little thing would set me off. I realized that I needed time to just lavish in the arms of my God and forget the pains of life, praising Him with my tears as well as my laughter.

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